You’re Wearing What?!?

You’re Wearing What?!?

Hello fellow Biker!  My road name is Catnip Cougar and I am the Safety Goddess for this cool website, Krazy Biker Katz. 

I can, and shall, be very caustic, sarcastic, and annoying in order to get my points across. However, when it comes to motorcycling and safety, I know what I’m talking about. Over 30 years on the road learning the hard way, then doing the smart thing and educating myself, has made me what I am today – a proficient rider with safety on her mind 24/7.

Let’s start out about these wannabe bikers that we all see out on the road.  What the heck are these idiots thinking about when they get ready to get on their motorcycle?  I’m talking about the moronic malcontent that thinks sandals, shorts, tank top, and a ball cap are the “in” thing when out on his bike.  Oh, don’t worry; the women wannabe bikers are just as bad – if not worse.  Shorts, sandals, and a skimpy top is the “must have” of the biking season.  Some of these women have even worn the short shorts, skimpy top, and 3” stiletto boots.  WTF? In fact, this reminds me of a run I was on once. This stupid biker bimbo had that exact outfit on! We had a stop light on a steel deck bridge and she got her heel caught in the deck of the bridge!  I laughed my ass off!

I pray the day DOES NOT come when they go down and lose a few yards of skin.  How about a couple toes and a foot to add to that disgusting image.  I mean, those Peche Platinum sandals are such great protection! Of course, being the smart ass that I am, I like to ask these people why they wear what they wear.  I just want to know why, that’s all. Nothing more. I like to be educated on issues that I may not be aware of; in particular, the look of “cool” on a motorcycle. There could have been a really new look presented in the recent issue of Vogue or GQ that I missed!

What’s important to me is making sure all my vulnerable areas are covered up and barricaded against the onslaught of asphalt, flying critters, and any other thing that may get in my way while out on my bike. Boots are a freakin MUST HAVE!  There are some pretty cool looking boots out on the market for those of us that feel the need to look “cool.” The stiletto heels are NOT cool when riding a motorcycle. Stiletto boots should only be used when either 1) amateur night at the local strip bar 2) on Halloween when dressing up as Elvira or 3) proving to your friends you can run a mile in them without falling over.   

The other MUST HAVE are gloves.  Think to yourself; what’s the first thing you’re going to do when you fall?  Your arms automatically come out to block the fall.  No gloves mean you’ve donated your skin, nails, and fingers to the asphalt cause. I prefer the padded palm gloves.  Pleather (pretend leather that’s really plastic) gloves are a NO NO! Why people spend their hard-earned money on Pleather is beyond my comprehension… Get yourself a good pair of gloves!  End of glove conversation!

Shorts and motorcycling.  No freakin way, dude and dude-ette. Jeans are a MUST HAVE!  Again, you can spend anywhere from $15 to $200 for a pair of jeans.  If you’ve got more money than sense, then spend the extra bucks for a pair of jeans specifically for motorcycling like Draggin Jeans, Rocket Steel Jeans, Sliders Kevlar Jeans, etc. I personally prefer my Lee Jeans.  They’ve been my best jeans for over 30 years of riding. They have never let me down – literally and figuratively!

Jackets are a MUST HAVE!  I have personally talked to some guys that have lost a crap-load of skin on their arms because they wore tank tops and went down.  The scrubbing of their skin with a brillo-type medical implement is a conversation those with weak stomachs do not want to engage in.  This one guy in particular said that he didn’t put his jacket on because he was just going down the road a couple miles.  A deer decided to lead in the waltz on that asphalt-floor mishap. After a few years of healing, his skin is now a translucent pink.  He was lucky.  Some people lose a foot or other appendage due to nasty infections like gangrene. Yeah, I’ve met some of them, too.  There are some great all-weather type jackets out there that will stand by you for years and years.  Heck, I’ve still got my original leather jacket!  It’s my first leather jacket and has a zipper liner.  Love it!

Now, for me personally, I wear a helmet.  I live in a state that lets the motorcycle rider decide if he or she wants to wear a helmet.  That’s totally cool and something I love – that we get to choose.  My helmets are coordinated to my mood, my style, the day, the riding conditions, etc.  I have an eclectic selection from which to choose from on a daily basis.  It’s kind like my Victoria’s Secret collection; they are all categorized by style and color. (Oh yeah, you’re going to learn a lot about me!) The bottom line is with helmets is that I have the right to choose.  I choose to wear one.  I’ve known of so many bikers that have some pretty disgusting stories of NOT wearing a helmet when they went down.  I don’t want to emulate their pain or long-term suffering.

Thankfully, living in America, we can pretty much do as we damned well please.  As bikers, we can do that as well and have the attitude to back it up.  My hope is that those dingdongs out there wearing beach apparel while riding down the highway don’t learn the hard, painful way. Looking cool is LOOKING COOL.  What’s cool to me, is the INSIDE of the person.  I don’t give a rat’s ass what make of bike or make of leather boots you wear as long as you wear the right outfit when out on the road.  I may not have met you – yet. But already, I care about you and your safety out on the road. 

Well, I’m being told that my post is long enough.  Stay tuned to this awesome website for more Safety Columns by me.

Much love to you from me…  See you out on the road…

“Catnip Cougar”